Peer Pressure

So after spending way too much time reading Irina's blog, I finally decided to start my own. It's been so much fun to read her blog on days when adult conversation is in short supply, although today was not one of those days. Anna and Briana both came over today, and Sean brough over my nephews Tristan, Celsus and Tavis, so for a while we nine kids running around my house. It was a little crazy, but with a strong sense of humor and even stronger coffee we had a good time. The boys locked Sean out of the house when he came to pick them up, so I guess they had a good time. I've been staying up way too late for the past month; Christmas parties and present wrapping were to blame for a few of those nights, then Jack got sick and took marathon naps during the day only to party at night. Our schedule is absolutely ridiculous right now, which is how at a quarter to midnight I've come to start a blog instead of sleeping like normal people. I've also been anxious lately; maybe anxious isn't the right word. Homesick is maybe more like it. My oldest brother Karoly killed himself on November 5th, and I keep waiting for life to go back to normal, or at least as normal as possible. It feels like there's something missing from everything, like eating food without any salt to bring out the flavor. It makes everything feel incomplete; my coffee doesn't taste right, my book isn't gripping enough, my painting looks off somehow. What's strange to me is how losing someone affects the smallest aspects of my life, even the ones I didn't previously connect to Karoly. Like socks. I bought a pair of socks and later realized that I bought them because they have Iron Crosses on them and looked very German, which I know Karoly would have liked.