So everything was going along swimmingly until my 20 week ultrasound, which showed some premature shortening of my cervix. This is likely something that happened with my two previous pregnancies, and is probably the reason I had both boys so early(Jack at 34 weeks, Matteas at 36). While it wasn't a huge shock given my penchant for preterm labor, it's disappointing because now I have to be one of those careful pregnant ladies. My prenatal care has been transferred from my beloved midwives to a wonderful OB/GYN who is taking excellent care of me, but what this means is that if I go into labor too early, I won't be able to have a home birth like I'd planned. Jack was born in the hospital, Matteas at the birth center, so I was really looking forward to rounding out my birthing resume with a home birth. If I make it to 35 weeks(and my doctor thinks I will), I will resume being a midwifery patient and carry on as planned.
In the meantime, I'm on a carefully crafted medication regimen and I see my OB once a week for ultrasounds. While not on strict bed rest(which hasn't been shown to improve the outcomes for women with cervical shortening), I'm on a "couch potato light" program and for the time being am not supposed to indulge in so much as a walk around the block. I can go about my daily business, just nothing extra. Good thing I already chopped down the freaky stumps in our backyard during my last pregnancy, because anything involving an ax is on the no-no list.
It's been interesting to observe how I've absorbed this information. At first, I was devastated. I drove home from the ultrasound and crawled into bed, where I proceeded to cry and nap alternately for the next few hours. I've been anxious about a lot of things in my life, but never anything related to pregnancy or childbirth. Those were things my body knew how to do on its own, and I could trust my body to do those things largely unsupervised. Now I can't. It's an odd sensation, to feel betrayed by one's own body. It's also sort of frustrating to not know why; there are a number of things that can contribute to cervical insufficiency(the medical term for what my cervix is doing), but I haven't had any of them.
I was pretty depressed about the whole situation for a while, but this week it occurred to me that I finally had a reason to do the kind of low-energy projects I usually find myself putting off, mostly because I told myself I didn't have the time. Now, all I've got is time. Four months of it. I got some drawing books from the library, and dusted off my sketchbook and art supplies. I'm currently reading and loving Ruth Reichl's Tender at the Bone, and am currently taking suggestions for books I should read next. Nothing scary, sad, sinister or stupid, but I also don't want to have to work too hard for my entertainment; I want it to scoop me up in its nonjudgmental arms and suddenly it's two hours later. I've mostly recovered my taste for food, so now seems like as good a time as any to finally perfect a sticky bun recipe. They never come out chewy enough for me. Got any good recipes? I made Smitten Kitchen's sticky buns last night(minus pecans, which Jack can't have) and they were tasty but they failed to knock my socks off. I want a sticky bun the texture of a doughnut, with a dark, toasty caramel that you pour between the layers before rolling, not just soak the bottom half of the roll in(which I did, and I have no regrets about that part). For my next batch, I'm going to use a dough recipe I found for actual doughnuts and omit the honey in the caramel sauce. And then I'm going to gain 100 pounds because I'm cooking again and not exercising. YOLO. If I can maintain four weeks of "cervical stability," my OB says I can go back to yoga. If my yoga pants still fit by then.
If anyone needs me, I'll be lying on the couch reading and eating leftover sticky buns.
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