There Should Be a Warning on That...

I feel like I have recovered from a Great Illness. Today I humored the baby's craving for fast food and went to Dick's; it was tasty. About an hour later it wasn't sitting so well, so I decided to take an Alka-Seltzer to make it more digestible. Unfortunately the only Alka-Seltzer I have is Original Flavor, which means it's just plain baking soda and really doesn't taste very good. Thinking I was very clever, I decided to flavor my medicine with a lemon-lime flavored Emergen-C. THIS WAS A VERY BAD IDEA. I knew it as soon as I swallowed it, the way it hit my stomach and created an instant cannon ball. It was very uncomfortable, thick and heavy in my tummy. Later, it got much worse. The cannon ball grew spikes and began sending stabbing pains throughout my lower intestine. Then the spikes started to ooze concrete. I realized what was happening; the Alka-Seltzer and the Emergen-C were having a war in my innards. There were several casualties. I quivered, moaned, prayed, and tried really hard to burp or go to the bathroom or do something, ANYTHING to move the spikey concrete cannon ball through my intestines and to a more manageable place, like the toilet, but to no avail. I finally took a hot bath to ease the pain which was very nice, then I rested on the bed and waited for the battle to finish. It seems to be over and I feel a little weak but the pain has stopped. I am, however, a little nervous about how that mixture is going to pass through my system...in the meantime, let this be a warning to everyone not to repeat my mistake and attempt to flavor plain Alka-Seltzer. Plain Alka-Seltzer is good enough. Adding other fizzy things to it is madness and agony.