Zen Mama

My resolution has been working. I still feel really moody, but by avoiding things that could be frustrating I feel like I can manage the swings much better since I'm not always struggling against the current anymore. My aunt Shonagh summed up my current philosophy on life, only she figured it out years and years ago; she says "I avoid things that stress me out." Also, she has five children, including a set of twins. The woman knows stress. But since ordinary life brings enough of it in the daily course of normalcy it really helps to have some criteria regarding what additional stress, if any, I'm willing to take on. I've been able to let go of some things that usually really bother me, and it's been extremely liberating. I started with my morning routine and decided not to make anything for breakfast that Jack would want to help with, so we don't begin the day with a big mess and a cranky Mom. I'll miss the multi-grain pancakes with berries we used to make, but it's also nice to sit at the table with Jack and chat over some nice cold raisin bran. Less stress, less mess to clean up, happy family. Unless Jack wants to, I don't clean anything while he's awake and I have absolutely let go of getting bent out of shape over the messes he makes. I realized that when he dumps out an entire basket of toys he's just being a two year-old, so I should just be a mom and let him. Having a good relationship with my son is way more important than having a tidy living room, and I realized that sometimes I was choosing the tidy living room over Jack. Stupid mistake, not to be repeated. I will rejoice that my son is happy, healthy and active, and that he knows his mama finds him delightful and not a source of stress. We will play and have a good time, and the toys will get picked up later. Another good trick has been procrastination, ironically. I wouldn't normally consider it a helpful tool, but lately it has been. Yesterday morning Jack was dying to go play, so I called up Anna and she invited us over for lunch. I packed the diaper bag and loaded Jack's tricycle into the trunk, then considered cleaning the kitchen before leaving so I'd have a clean sink to come home to. Jack was getting antsy and frankly I didn't want to do the dishes right then, so I decided to save them for later and take care of them sometime when it wouldn't frustrate Jack and therefore me. We had a great day at Anna's having lunch with Anna, Jamie and baby Hayden(12 weeks) and I didn't stress about the dishes that were waiting for me at home: what I was doing in the present moment(drinking lemonade in the shade while Jack and Talia ran around the backyard) was working for everyone involved, and I was not about the disturb the peace. Then things just got better and better. I decided I didn't care if Jack napped; if he got too cranky we'd go home and he'd fall asleep in the air-conditioned car or he'd be okay without napping. He decided he did want a nap and he slept peacefully for an hour in Anna's room then woke up cheerfully. Aaron called and wanted to join Albert for a beer, and since Anna had a spa appointment in Fremont the boys decided they would watch the kids and send the girls out to shop or have dinner, so we did both. I actually found some really cute maternity clothes at Gap and then Anna and I had a leisurely, leisurely dinner at Il Fornaio, dragging out our after-dinner coffee so long that we were the last patrons to leave the restaurant. We both came down with food poisoning during the night, but even that wasn't enough to dampen the afterglow of the Amazing Day. Aaron came home for lunch and played with Jack, so I cleaned the kitchen and the boys had some man time together. The dishes got done a whole day later than I'd normally let them sit(I'm not a neat freak, but I absolutely hate old dishes. My kitchen is the one place in my house that's normally clean) and my kitchen chairs are still peacefully situated around the table. I cleaned and vacuumed while Jack was napping and my living room is cool, shady and organized. Jack is still sleeping and I'm sure I could find some laundry to fold, but I'm going to make an iced coffee and watch Oprah.