Friday, March 23, 2012

I can't really explain the three-month leave of absence I gave myself from blogging.  I have no triumphant announcements to share upon my return, no secret pregnancies or freshly-finished manuscripts, just a quiet 'hello.'  Shortly after Christmas I felt the need to simplify.  Anything I didn't have the energy for fell by the wayside, and I didn't have much to say here.  Looking back over my blog I realize that a lot of my posts are about product evangelization or the evils of the industrial food system, and somehow in the last three months I've let go of the desire to convince other people that what I think is right.  I have  a lot more energy now. 

Life has been good and ordinary.  I've learned a lot about sustainable change, notably in the way I eat.  I started to suspect a while ago that I don't tolerate wheat very well, so I cut it out of my diet.  That led to cutting out most other grains as well and focusing on vegetables, meat, fruit and some dairy.  That led to smaller pants and fewer bouts of random stomach cramps.  I've also cut back on caffeine, which I didn't think was something I could ever do.  Since having kids I feel like my experience of PMS went from being a little emotional and weepy to being totally crazy with arbitrary rage.  I talked to my ob/gyn about this and asked her if there was anything I could do about it.  She said her number one recommendation is to reduce my caffeine intake.  "Do you know how grumpy I get without caffeine?" I asked.  But I tried it, and I think it helps.  I bought some ridiculously good quality decaf, and every morning when I make my French press I use two scoops of decaf coffee and one of regular.  Bam: my caffeine intake was reduced by two-thirds.  One morning I was out of decaf so I drank a cup of full-strength coffee and it made my heart and thoughts race.  I was like a three year-old on a sugar high.  It wasn't pleasant. 

I feel like I'm living my regular life, I'm just more present to it.  Without the influence of fluctuating blood sugar and caffeine-fueled adrenaline, I notice more.  Not always in a way that is pleasurable, but I believe in a way that is more real.  I have no idea if the desire to blog will resurrect itself.  Especially with Spring on the horizon there are so many places my hands would rather be than at the keyboard, but I think blogging might be something I can make room for again.