"The List"

After nine years of marriage my sister Moira said that if she had to "shop" for a husband again, she'd use a completely different list than the one she started with. What she meant was that she had come to appreciate some really unique qualities in her husband that she didn't know he had when they got married. I know exactly how she feels. In my sixteen year-old fantasies I never once pined for a husband who would clean the fridge, but I'm so glad I have one. The bright side to all this nausea is that it gives me a chance to appreciate the support network I have in my friends and family, and especially my husband. I think it's so true that most of us have entirely the wrong list when we think of qualities we'd like our future spouse to have. Of course, there are things that I loved about Aaron before we got married that I still love; he's hard-working, he's patient, and he never, ever loses his temper. I love that he sings along to songs he likes as loud as he can no matter who's listening, and he even sings along to the parts that don't have any words where most people's voices just kind of trail off. And then there's the stuff I never expected and wouldn't have thought to look for. Like the time when Jack was two months old and spent most of his time screaming inconsolably until I was half mad from lack of sleep, so Aaron took over pacing with him at two o'clock in the morning so I could lie down. When I was in labor with Jack he held my left leg for a whole hour because I was more comfortable laboring on my side. Several times Aaron has handed me large amounts of cash and told me to go out with my girlfriends and have a good time. Last night after dinner he put away all the food and cleaned the entire kitchen, then cleaned the fridge. Not exactly the stuff of fantasies, but when you're tired and nauseated there are few things that are more romantic than a clean fridge.

Pottery Barn is going to kill me

You'd think that I'd be happy to have a chair as cute as this, and most of the time I am; I have six of these Napoleon-style Pottery Barn chairs and they are my favorite thing in our kitchen, but in the last two days I've come close to burning them twice. I felt pretty good this morning, but this afternoon I felt really nauseous so I let Jack do the dishes. He was happy for a while, but then came running over to me with a slightly alarmed look on his face; something was not quite right. I walked into the kitchen to find the drain board under the still-running faucet, diverting all the water onto the floor... After mopping up the mess I took out the cotton twine and re-tied all the chairs to the table where they will stay for the next eighteen years.

How Naive of Me....

I realize now that Jack's phone-cleaning trick was part of a much larger plan. Once he disabled the cordless, I was forced to plug in our backup phone which is NOT a cordless. My sister Moira called this morning to make lunch plans for next week, and while I was occupied in the living room Jack took advantage and made some "coffee," which did involve a few beans but mostly involved putting sugar EVERYWHERE, including the coffee grinder.

There Should Be a Warning on That...

I feel like I have recovered from a Great Illness. Today I humored the baby's craving for fast food and went to Dick's; it was tasty. About an hour later it wasn't sitting so well, so I decided to take an Alka-Seltzer to make it more digestible. Unfortunately the only Alka-Seltzer I have is Original Flavor, which means it's just plain baking soda and really doesn't taste very good. Thinking I was very clever, I decided to flavor my medicine with a lemon-lime flavored Emergen-C. THIS WAS A VERY BAD IDEA. I knew it as soon as I swallowed it, the way it hit my stomach and created an instant cannon ball. It was very uncomfortable, thick and heavy in my tummy. Later, it got much worse. The cannon ball grew spikes and began sending stabbing pains throughout my lower intestine. Then the spikes started to ooze concrete. I realized what was happening; the Alka-Seltzer and the Emergen-C were having a war in my innards. There were several casualties. I quivered, moaned, prayed, and tried really hard to burp or go to the bathroom or do something, ANYTHING to move the spikey concrete cannon ball through my intestines and to a more manageable place, like the toilet, but to no avail. I finally took a hot bath to ease the pain which was very nice, then I rested on the bed and waited for the battle to finish. It seems to be over and I feel a little weak but the pain has stopped. I am, however, a little nervous about how that mixture is going to pass through my system...in the meantime, let this be a warning to everyone not to repeat my mistake and attempt to flavor plain Alka-Seltzer. Plain Alka-Seltzer is good enough. Adding other fizzy things to it is madness and agony.

What My Baby Wants, My Baby Gets

I've been using that line a lot lately as an explanation for why my eating habits have been so weird lately. Aaron and Damien think I'm just being picky, but I swear this kid's preferences change daily. Yesterday I craved cream of mushroom soup, which is very odd because when I'm not pregnant it usually grosses me out. Today I wanted a hamburger from Dick's. I go to the store and stock up on things that appeal to me, but a day or two later I can't even look at the stuff I bought. It's really challenging to stay full when no single food consistently appeals to me. So far there has been fruit, cereal, hot dogs, soup, and fast food; I can't wait to see what this baby will be in the mood for tomorrow...

Poor Jack

So this is the price I had to pay for going to the bathroom by myself this morning. Jack has been really into doing the dishes lately, but to do them he has to push one of the chairs from the table up to the sink. The messes were getting out of hand and he was starting to push chairs up to the stove and turn on burners, so while I'm still feeling queasy I decided to use some cotton twine and tied all six of my chairs to the middle support of the table. I left enough slack to pull the chairs in and out enough to sit down, but that's it. The boys(Aaron, Damien and Ryan) have been having a hard time not tripping over the strings, but it's been working so far. Now, no one will tell me who, but SOMEBODY cut one of the strings and Jack quickly discovered that his chair was mobile again. He got so excited about doing the dishes this morning and I've been spending so much time lying on the couch instead of playing with him that I decided to let him enjoy himself and I'd sneak off to the bathroom while he was busy. When I came back, Jack presented me with the cordless phone in pieces and soaking wet, proudly informing me "clean it, clean it" with a very pleased look on his face. He clearly didn't know he was being naughty so I didn't spank him, but informed him that he was not to wash the phone in the future.

Miracle or Placebo?

So I'm not sure what's working: the bracelets, the B6, or the crackers, but something worked because I feel fabulous today. I felt a little queasy when I first woke up, but I had some crackers(actually that's a lie; they were dry Kix because I forgot to buy crackers) by the bed so I ate some and then lay there for 20 minutes or so before I got up. I have a pretty bad cold right now, so it's hard to tell what's the cold and what's from pregnancy, but I sat on the couch and drank some orange juice and just took things slow. About an hour after I got up I had a waffle and some milk, and since then I've felt almost completely normal. I read a review of the acupressure bracelets and one study suggested that their success in pregnant women was probably a placebo effect, but I don't really care because I don't feel nauseous anymore. I'm a little nervous that I'm celebrating prematurely and maybe in the evening I'll feel yucky again, but I really hope not.

Four Kinds of Cereal and Spanish Fish

I found out a week ago that I'm pregnant; I'm barely four weeks along and I'm already feeling really queasy, so last night I went to the gym(which really helps) and then to the store to stock up on things I feel like eating. The list is pretty short: cereal and fruit. But lots of different kinds of both. Lunch and dinner-type foods are really grossing me out right now. I had some queasiness with Jack, but not this early on and never this bad. I'm wondering if this baby is a girl, or if the hormones are just affecting me differently this time around. Anybody have any hot tips for morning sickness? Actually, it's not really morning sickness; more like any-random-time sickness. I tried crystallized ginger but don't like the taste and it didn't really seem to help, so now I'm trying vitamin B6 supplements and those motion-sickness acupressure bracelets. I can't tell if they're working or if I just feel better because it's evening. Irina and Briana both suggest keeping crackers by the bed, which is the only thing I haven't tried yet so I'll give it a shot tomorrow morning. For Christmas, Aaron Shane and Albert bought me, Briana and Anna each a gift certificate for a cooking class. The class was at a Spanish restaurant called The Harvest Vine, where Anna used to be a waitress. Chef Josef taught us how to make three Spanish seafood dishes and miraculously I didn't feel nauseous. I had a bunch of supplies in my bag just in case, like Jolly Rancher candies, Sweet Tarts, tortilla chips, fruit leather, a Granny Smith apple, citrus flavored gum and lemon-lime talking rain. I got up early and went for a walk in the snow hoping it would help to get some exercise before experiencing the aroma of cooking fish, and I guess it did because I felt great all through the class. It was really fun, but I have no tolerance for snootiness. They served us really yummy bread, but without any oil or butter. Apparently, it is not the Basque tradition to butter one's bread while partaking of "authentic" Spanish food from the Basque region of Spain. The tradition is to eat plain bread with nothing fun on it. I fully support unique culinary traditions, but only if they taste good. Everything was pretty tasty, but it would have been even better if I'd had some butter. I asked for some, and was informed that the Chef hopes I die of a heart attack. Harsh words coming from such a chubby man. I've been drawing chubby pictures of him as revenge, and also eating butter. Eating what I want is my tradition.

This is the 12 layer torte I made Aaron for his 28th birthday in October. It was so much work I had to take a picture of it, and now I have to share. Also, it was extremely delicious.

The first weekend in December, Aaron took me on a three-day skiing trip to Whistler, Canada. We left Jack with his Grandma so it was just the two of us. I felt really anxious about leaving Jack overnight, but we called and checked on him and he had a great time snuggling in his Grandma's bed and doing lots of fun things during the day. We also had a great time, to say the least. Aaron taught me how to ski and I didn't totally suck at it, although I got very tired towards the end. Aaron also had to teach me how to ride the chair lift, which went alright for the most part except once I missed the chair and had to ride up with some nice Chinese guys while Aaron looked back at me from the chair ahead. That was really the only trouble spot though, and I was grateful not to have broken anything. I really liked skiing and Aaron promised to take me again. It was so great to lie in bed together in the morning and not have to get up to change diapers and make bottles. We walked around Whistler village together, went out to dinner and had long talks over several bottles of wine, and spent lots of time nursing sore muscles in the hot tub. We were gone for three days and two nights, which I think is the perfect amount of time to be gone because it was long enough to enjoy it but not so long that I missed Jack too much to have a good time. When we got to Aaron's parent's to pick him up he was pretty happy to see us, he was in the bathtub when I went in to say hello. He looked at me and smiled, then pressed his face against mine while holding my hands and said "Mama" very softly, like he had every confidence in the world that I was coming back. It was an amazing trip.

We tried making a gingerbread house yesterday. I'm sorry to say that the kit I purchased was of inferior quality as every single piece of gingerbread was severely warped. Undaunted, we decided to proceed anyway, mostly because the boys wanted to put frosting and candy on SOMETHING. It was a complete and disastrous success yielding less-than-pleasing visual results but LOTS of giggling. Tristan and I took turns holding the walls while Briana frosted vigorously in the hopes that we could keep the thing together with sugar and will-power. I finally ended up just throwing candy at it, which the kids really liked. We decided it wasn't worthy to be called a gingerbread house so Tristan named it the "Holiday Hobo House," saying that our "house" was so crappy only bums would want to live in it.

My kitchen is clean and my living room is picked up and vacuumed, after a rather intense vacuum-unclogging session. I made it through thanks to some scissors, surgical forceps and Jacks' moral support. In the oven are two ginormous pots of beef burgundy, one for tonight and one for the freezer. I've even had a shower, and it's not even four o'clock; it has been a Day of Achievement. Jack was super helpful and "did the dishes" while I was cooking, which at the very least resulted in the floor around the sink getting very clean. He has had two obsessions lately: doing the dishes, and toast. We go through about three shirts a day most days. He uses a ton of water and accomplishes more mess than clean, but he works so hard at it that I don't want to discourage his sense of industry. So what if I have to use six towels to mop up afterwards? He's learning that he is competent, developing his sense of efficacy. I have a strong conviction that the reason why so many Americans fail to vote is because their mothers didn't let them wash the dishes when they were young.

Peer Pressure

So after spending way too much time reading Irina's blog, I finally decided to start my own. It's been so much fun to read her blog on days when adult conversation is in short supply, although today was not one of those days. Anna and Briana both came over today, and Sean brough over my nephews Tristan, Celsus and Tavis, so for a while we nine kids running around my house. It was a little crazy, but with a strong sense of humor and even stronger coffee we had a good time. The boys locked Sean out of the house when he came to pick them up, so I guess they had a good time. I've been staying up way too late for the past month; Christmas parties and present wrapping were to blame for a few of those nights, then Jack got sick and took marathon naps during the day only to party at night. Our schedule is absolutely ridiculous right now, which is how at a quarter to midnight I've come to start a blog instead of sleeping like normal people. I've also been anxious lately; maybe anxious isn't the right word. Homesick is maybe more like it. My oldest brother Karoly killed himself on November 5th, and I keep waiting for life to go back to normal, or at least as normal as possible. It feels like there's something missing from everything, like eating food without any salt to bring out the flavor. It makes everything feel incomplete; my coffee doesn't taste right, my book isn't gripping enough, my painting looks off somehow. What's strange to me is how losing someone affects the smallest aspects of my life, even the ones I didn't previously connect to Karoly. Like socks. I bought a pair of socks and later realized that I bought them because they have Iron Crosses on them and looked very German, which I know Karoly would have liked.